If you’ve visited a nursing home, chances are good you’ve heard the cries – “help me!” or some other form of crying out in need. It’s unsettling to say the least. With the increase of assisted living facilities (which are a Godsend) this typically means that those in the nursing home facilities are in a much more advanced state of decline. These residents may have Alzheimer’s or SunDowners which cause confusion.
If you aren’t familiar with SunDowner’s, it is a type of syndrome experienced by individuals who have Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia. It refers to the experience of increased confusion, agitation, or restlessness that often occurs in the late afternoon or early evening. This phenomenon is thought to be related to changes in the levels of certain chemicals in the brain or to changes in circadian rhythms that can occur with these conditions.
Our family was so surprised to find out that SunDowner’s comes in waves. My FIL could be extremely lucid and then suddenly he would be seeing people that weren’t there. He wouldn’t know which direction the bathroom was. Sometimes he wasn’t sure who WE were. He would become agitated and somewhat paranoid. Nervous about his finances or putting out a fire or the wagon being broken down on the railroad tracks. This might last a few hours or it might last a week!
Numerous times we made the trek to the Emergency room because we were certain he had a urinary tract infection which can cause great confusion and similar symptoms. He had a history of issues with UTIs so it was logical. But, the test results would come back normal, bloodwork- normal, scans and other tests – normal. While we were thankful that those test results were good, we were completely beside ourselves as to what was wrong. There had to be something.
We were sure the doctors, specifically the ER doctors that didn’t know him, just saw a 90 year old man and said – dementia. Duh. (No they didn’t really say it that way, but I’m sure they wanted to!) We would sit with him at the hospital where he would pull off his gown and expose himself. Trying to keep him covered up was met with a lot of resistance and at times, we just opted to keep the curtain pulled and try to keep him from falling out of the bed. Then eventually, he would come out of it and be his cheerful, normal self.
My father was in the nursing home after a massive stroke caused by high extremely high blood sugar. Did you know that steroids will wreak havoc with blood sugar counts? A few months later he experienced some additional small strokes. He wasn’t able to walk and after the mini strokes his speech wasn’t great either. He did a lot of jabbering. He might talk some, but would add random jibberish which we think was him trying to talk but the brain and the voice wouldn’t connect so it would come out “auka, dauka, dauka, dauka, dough.”
My dad loved music. For several years before his stroke he and his lady friend (my mom passed years before from cancer) would attend local dances once a week. Sometimes he would take his guitar and play and sing a little. So we thought that perhaps headphones would help to calm him and pass the time and block out some of the extraneous noises that would get on his nerves. (Okay, maybe that was for our benefit because we thought it would get on OUR nerves.)
I bought a little MP3 player and a pair of over the ear headphones that would block out other sounds. I loaded it with classic country music like Johnny Cash, Buck Owens, Conway Twitty, Loretta Lynn, etc. and it worked great. When we would leave in the evening we would put on his music. Occasionally, he would sing with it, but most of the time he just listened. It also helped him not to jabber so much as to disturb the other residents! When the aides would put him to bed at night, they would put the MP3 player on the charger so it would be ready to go the following day. It really helped to calm him if he was anxious and we were happy to have found something he enjoyed that was therapeutic.
I have a video that I treasure. My sister and I had to take dad to the Emergency Room – nothing serious, maybe a Urinary Tract Infection or something similar. While he was lying on the bed, impatiently waiting for the doctor to come in (you know how long the wait can be in the emergency room!) He began singing “Waltz across Texas with you in my arms. I’ll waltz across Texas with you. Like a storybook ending, I’m lost in your charms and I’ll waltz across Texas with you.” It was the sweetest!
My FIL had terrible hearing and refused to wear his hearing aids. But he loved to listen to our local high school football games. The headphones worked great for that. I would bring up the local radio station on my phone and then hook it to the headphones. We did that for Facetime calls with his kids and grandkids as well.
In his last days we used Alexa to play some quiet, calming music. He wasn’t as big a music fan as my dad and we chose instrumental hymns for him to listen to. This did help to soothe him in those last days when he was sometimes anxious and hurting. But we didn’t need the sound canceling headphones – no loud cries for help here.
It is amazing how music calms the soul, spirit, mind and even relaxes the body. I have a series of youtube videos that are calm, relaxing music. These are great for studying, meditation, and for playing for someone who is struggling with end of life. Great for us caregivers, too. We need some time to just chill and breathe in and out!
Music can soothe a sick person because it affects the brain and emotions, reducing stress and anxiety, and promoting relaxation and a sense of well-being. It also has the ability to distract from pain and anxious thoughts.
The MP3 player I used for my dad at the nursing home is no longer available, but this one from Amazon is a great option: SanDisk – Clip Sport Plus 32GB MP3 Player – Black. The small in-ear headphones were just too little for him to handle, with compromised dexterity in his fingers this was the same story for my FIL. Plus, we had to worry about them falling out if he caught his hand on the cords. We went with over the ear headphones. They are sturdier and the noise cancelling feature blocked out the sounds we were trying to quiet. These over the ear headphones are very similar to what we used for my dad.
(Adult Noise Cancelling Headphones.) Alexa of course is great for so many things! There are various models but we have the simple Alexa Echo dot.
Music can help soothe a weary soul, even if only for a short time. So as you manuever through these days – take all the help you can get!
Friend, take some time to listen to some calming music and breathe. You need to recharge. Let’s chat again soon!